just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
