TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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