I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
