And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
