I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
