There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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