I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
