I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
