You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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