OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
