he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
