That's intense
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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