Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have already put on my inside pants.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
