why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
