He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
