just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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