Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A+ Viking dick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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