can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
