1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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