Please, let me fuck your mom
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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