Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I miss vodka workout Fridays
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
