i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
