gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
