He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
