He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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