now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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