remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I came so hard my ears popped.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
