First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
