see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
