i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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