Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
