oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
