my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
