Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
