you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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