she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
