Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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