a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
