literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
