either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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