i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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