i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So much rum. So many feels.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
