So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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