I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Shame is for Republicans.
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