its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
