Plan B is the new Plan A
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
