Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
