I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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