Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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