I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
