i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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