Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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