Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
