The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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