Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
