so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is Oprah even human
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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