Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
