She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
