I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
